Had to update. I'm back home again.

I found this in my growing blog back-log.
It's probably more than a few months old, but Haley
or I said something on this subject a few days ago.
It's growing on my mind again.

My parents tell me I'm all grown up, that I have to get a job now and go to College. I have to take responsibility for my life, because I kicked and screamed and stopped going to school. I still don't understand how someone can expect you to grow up and look down on you at the same time. I don't understand anything. Every day, with increasing frequency, I find myself face-to-face with something I can't wrap my fingers around, which terrifies me. Not being able to recognize ridges on familiar objects. I never paid attention to the conversations of adults, because they were above me. And I didn't feel I needed to bother with things I couldn't quite grasp with such small hands. Not yet, anyway. See, I knew that one day, I would sit down with them and I would just /know/ the proper things to say. Know how to talk about politics and taxes, about the job market, about the kinds of cars our neighbors drove and what it said about them. But I was wrong, because here I am and I am quiet. I titter pleasantries, and I'm polite, but no more grown than the little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, sunday girl I had once been. Kicking black shoes with pasted bows, waiting out sermons with finger-games. I never learned anything I was sure there would be time for. Later. Never when there were books to read, or lines to cast, or pretty weeds to dig up and plant in the shade(where only I could find them.) They should have made time in school, to teach us the things that everyone seems/needs to know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who doesn't. Even the lines on my palm seem unfamiliar to my tiny fingers.

to be a college student,
or not to be a college student?
that is the question.
I think I'm going to stick with
the decision I made last year.
Which was not to decide
and catch up on my Zzzzz.
Nah, lols. I'm all caught up.

Learning about traditional book-binding again.
I still don't get some of the techniques.
but I can't practice without my papperrrrr.